The Resurrection of the MUSE!

Happy thoughts of you especially today. I don't cry no more Just so you know. The well of tears long dried out The wounds no longer bleed. But my heart still joyfully beats for yours. My body forever painfully yearns... That sweet sort of pain It is part of me now Every piece of me. But am finally at peace. For I know you are living blissfully! "So when you think about love, think about me" Sleep well Dolly!

I ventured New York, California and Nevada in a week. I saw and conquered. Phellie, the best tour guide in the world, says even if I don't ever visit Trump land again I should be ok. But I wil be back to the Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of soon. My spirit connected with the place I almost couldn't leave. I also have to do Texas and Florida one day to complete the circle and mission. Maybe Chicago too. Like I keep saying, America is America for a reason. Let's wrap it up for now! To all my cheerers, I see you. I love you. To Phellie, you are just incredibly outstanding. And all other beautiful adjectives and adverbs. Thatcher of entertainment and fun!!! See you again soonest 😍🥰😍

It was always you. It has always been you. It will forever be you. Yes, It was always you. It has always been you. But it can never ever be you. Never ever again It will never ever be you. While my whole anatomy feverishly wants it to be you, deep down in my soul I never want it to be you. Because there is this sweet pain in crying you a river. There's this sugary agony in reminiscing and imagining... This luscious torture in thinking what if... I don't want it to be you in case things go wrong. So I will continue crying you an ocean... I will continue wishing.. Because no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try. I still my heart still beats for you. My soul still yearns for what was. No matter how much I want to forget, no matter how badly I don't want to feel, nothing really changes. I still remember. I still feel the same way I felt then. And I know I will do till the day I die. So for as long as I live, I will cry you more than a river for all the "what...

When you don't hurt anymore thinking of them. When dreaming of them does not turn your world upside down anymore. When you look at their family pictures and smile that they are happy. You know you have reached that peaceful destination.

I'm doing just fine Missingz And plentiful Lovingz yours H

So, people ask me or wonder why I don't use my married name.... Well, first I arrived on this planet without really consenting to any name whatsoever. I got given all these names I would never have chosen for myself given a chance under this identity guise - Slave names. Then I grow up under the oppression of my parents rules and way of life....Ma member, I will reply to your question with a question. I already have a list of names I did not have a say to when they were thrust on me. So tell me why should I add another strange name to this already unconsented list of names I already have?

Ok. So today I had an epiphany. Today, I had a wake up call. Today, I promise never to ever complain ever again... Today, I made peace with the fact that I am a villain in the story... Today, I realised I don't have a say or leg to stand on... I left I'm the one who got away I'm the one who broke a heart But am also the one who lost in the end. Today I accept defeat. I messed up. And today I make peace with it all. Let life continue...

It has been a minute. Life keeps moving as usual Sometimes I do move with it, but mostly, I just let it run without me. The catching up is exhausting. But it has to be done. I don't really want to write today. Actually, I do want to write. That'swhy I am here. But what I wanted to write is a bit personal and my brain won't budge. Let's leave it for another day Adios

Ndatopa

I'm sorry mum I'm sorry I found Craig's sisters I'm sorry for my investigative character I'm sorry for everything But did you have to be so secretive? Why did you have to shield Craig from his whole identity? Why???? I'm sorry I probed I'm sorry if you ain't happy But I'm glad your son is happy I found his half sisters. They love him Even in death. They wish they had met him. I would swap places with Craig now so he could meet his other sisters. It hurts so bad knowing he died not knowing them. Life is cruel. I no longer hold a grudge on you mum for not telling Craig sooner about his other family. I no longer blame you for Craig's pain. You had your reasons for not telling him of his true paternity. I'm sure you paid the price every breath you took on earth keeping that secret. It suffocated you. Every time you looked at your son you saw his other family and felt guilty keeping them away from him. I no longer resent you for making tha...

When my big brother Craig told me 17 years ago that he was critically ill, I cried for so long. I haven't stopped crying. I clearly remember that day. I had TJ as a baby on my back sleeping. I knelt down beside my bed and prayed for Craig to get better. But deep down in my subconscious I knew he was not going to make it thorough. I just knew it! When Craig told me he was being moved to the ICU, my biggest wish was to swap places with him So I could feel all his pain. And when he died, I completely lost myself. I cried every day for a solid ten years and plus for a life that was prematurely cut short from us. My soul is still in tears even now. It has been 17 years since we lost Craig. I still wish it was me that died instead of him. He had everything to live for. Now that I found his other sisters, I wish more than ever that it was me that went instead. I miss him. I hope he found peace. I hope he's happy I found his other sisters. Till we meet again big bro. Till later

"When they lie they have to lie again, because the lying never ends" I am listening to Brandy's Truthfully It hits that spot

Growing up in Kanjedza Admarc Welfare, I had no choice but to participate in netball games most of my free time. Weekends were for cheering and celebrating either Tigress or Tigers wins. These were the Admarc netball and football clubs respectively. I didn't really like playing netball at all as a child. I was bad at it. (I'm not good at any sport, in fact. I just enjoy watching and also happen to understand the rules very well). I was forced to play netball as the majority of Welfare girls spent their free time at the courts. The love for netball was deeply etched in my spirit without my consent. I could not escape. Since Serena Williams retired from Tennis, I found myself watching more netball to pacify my wounded soul. I love watching Queens especially. That is the Malawi National Netball team. They remind me of my childhood. Queen were last couple of weeks in London playing Vitality Nations 2025. When they beat Uganda in their second round match to go ahead and face...

I'm not a Kendrick Lamar fan (Sorry Bouncer). I don't find him fascinating as a rapper or artist. I do agree that the guy has some tight brain cells, but it ends there. Now, The Half time show....aaaaaah.... Let's just say, I don't wanna piss a lot of ama 2000 off by dissing his performance. Lamar obviously put in 100% work into his performance. For that, I give him credit. But I'm afraid he still doesn't do it for me. The only crowd pullers at the show were Serena Williams (you all know the history between the tennis star and Drake), Samuel L J, SZA, and of course Drake. Whether Lamar likes it or not, Drake made him and now owns his soul. If it wasn't for their beef, Lamar would still be lurking in the background of the rap industry. Drake better collect royalties... 😜 Ok. I will stop here for now, ama 2000 asanakwiye

Are dreams really a subconscious part of us talking? I dreamt of you again last night. I didn't want to wake up. The intensity of passion in this particular dream has left me paralysed. Now I sit in sweet limbo of flashbacks. I love dreaming of you. I hate waking up knowing it can never be... Its like going back to original settings.. It hurts going back there. Now I have to retrain my soul to again get used to living without you... It is always an uphill battle, doing that. Because the moment all seem to settle, the moment all seem to calm, there comes another disturbing fervent dream. Back to settings once more.

Do you think Beyonce's Cowboy Carter deserved album of the year win at the grammys? I will let you ponder on that and come up with a more deserving answer. 4 was the last one of B's albums I smilingly spent my hard earned cash on. After 4 B wasn't B anymore. something changed.... Let me talk about, Orama's fav Kendrick Lamar's grammies... in the next post. I really don't like the guy. I'm a Drake woman... Of course Orama thinks am biased... For now I will just say this: Rap died with Biggie and and Pac. The two took the blueprint to their graves.

Family isn't everything... We share blood, yes. we may have shared a womb, yes. But that is never an excuse to hurt each other repeatedly. Sharing a parent or grandparent doesn't give us a pass to get away with bullsh** Yes, we don't get to choose who we share a bloodline with. But we surely have a say on what behaviour to tolerate from people. Family isnt everything if they believe you can intentionally hurt them just to satisfy your ego. Really and truly.... Finally, if anyone you share blood with makes you walk on eggshells most of the times, time to live your life. Let them live theirs. Family should not be that romanticised to an extent of losing oneself. Perimenopause has given me this brand new zero tolerance for Bullsh**